Intimate Relationships
“If this is foreplay, I’m a dead man.”—Cacoon
What we all long for, is to share our lives with someone we will miss all day long. Look at your past loves—what you loved was their life-furthering power, in all its forms, and this is no surprise. There is a clear link between intimacy and sound cognition. You breathe in and take in the scent of her hair. You look down her gorgeous profile, and think in pleasure, “Mine, all mine.” You contemplate all that she is; not just this toned, beautiful body, but the wonder behind the smile, the active mind, full of deep personal interests, breathtaking to watch in their pursuit, capturing the special connection when she looks up at you in sheer enjoyment, as you look at her when hard at work. And when the day is done, we rest, speaking softly in candlelit serenity, holding hands and brushing close in passing embraces, winding down as our sensual energy stirs. We begin to lose coherency of the days events, seeing the one before us—so strong, so capable. We are drawn more and more to look, to smell, to touch—to fill our senses with the presence of this other. So often called “Being taken away,” is to be so overwhelmed in our sensate capacity, “To be taken in everyway” is more like it, to the greatest release of our true feelings and hopes about existence, our possibilities and our lives. Do you see a structure forming? This whole process follows 1) Perception, 2) Identification, 3) Creative Action and 4) Reward.
Love is a reward, whose provocation we learn in our relationship to existence. When a relationship follows the healthy lifestyle of a Self-made Man, love will emanate to others effortlessly. Many individual attributes flow straight into relationships, becoming key compatibility factors. Our own pace, our own courage, defines the range of mates who will be acceptable. When we like what we see, we know its value, we work well together and the result is fulfilling, we are ready to move closer. With interaction so positive at every step, both can commit to its continuance, forming a relationship.
The most difficult question in relationships is commitment: whento commit, whoto commit to, and whatto commit to. The more complex the consciousness, the more areas of compatibility it considers; so the more difficult the decision. Self-made Man can’t have a lot of relationships, because he can’t be indifferent to them. People take time, and if he doesn’t invest in them, the effort won’t be fulfilling. He can sample many, just touching the surface of each other, or he can delve deeply into a few and learn more intimately who he is. His long-term intention is to build an edifice; not a lot of sand hills, so he doesn’t choose a social life of perpetual strangers. But there are valuable traits at all depths across the spectrum of individuals, and he can never be certain when or where he will encounter those who pique his interest. His outlook on relationships evolves as a result of their investigation, so he shouldn’t commit too soon.
Our intimate interaction follows a pattern we will repeat continuously throughout life. It has many elements, each having their own art, which evolves with experience and reflection. First, we go through an internal process of selection, based on our own ambition for values. Second, we must approach and initiateconversation with those we find attractive, by making ourselves attractive to them. This is a numbers game; only so many will be receptive. Once we begin dating, we set precedents that determine how the rest of the relationship will go; so we stay real about who we are, where we’re going, and what we want. Our essential compatibility is revealed here, stirring our anticipation for what is to come. Third, the relationship becomes sexual, sharing a facet of life withheld from the rest—the magnificent exploration of each other, and the deepest pleasure that can be had between us. Fourth, we span the day-to-day conductof the relationship for however long it lasts; the medium of feeling generated between us as a result of how we treat each other and how we handle issues. Finally, the relationship is consummated by either moving on or committing. The process has its own expertise, and the reduction in initial and long-term stress alone makes it well worth learning.