Selection.Self-made Man can only overvalue the right partner by putting her beforehis living purpose. The proper hierarchy for a human value system is 1) Purpose, 2) Intimacy, and 3) Everything and everyone else. This is the moral course for a sound volitional consciousness, and there are no exceptions. Dedication to his own life is his first romantic connection, with existence itself. Once he has chosen his life’s work, he is ready to choose someone who reflects its dimension. When he is in full agreement with his own direction, he has achieved a harmonic resonance with destiny, and there is no negative stress related to his purpose. When he encounters a match, the same is true. Romantic love is never a compromise. It is a flowing energy added to his own, accenting his happiness. Besides his purpose, nothing is more important than making the right choice. His relationship choice is a core accomplishment when done right in every way. It is there to lean on and to learn from, to reflect on the correct process of winningin life.
Just as in deciding one’s own destiny, there is a big learning curve moving from temporary mates to permanent mates, which parallels moving from experimental action, to permanent patterns of action. Both are much longer roads without proper moral direction. Self-made Man doesn’t even attempt a serious relationship before he has the basics of his life under clear control. He is financially stable and can handle the rudiments of life—he knows how to feed himself, how to dress himself and how to bathe. His appearance is neat and clean, as is his mind. His living space reflects how carefully he operates within his environment, evolving as respect and cognizance of other people and their possessions as well. As he addresses the challenge of growth and handles his own daily obligations, he interacts rationally and keeps his obligations to others.
Choosing a mate in any phase of life is incredibly dynamic. It is tailored to every individual as a sum covering a dozen general categories, and a few dozen minor ones. It becomes more difficult when family or friends try to play matchmaker based on some shallow cultural attribute which satisfies their perspective, but detracts from or fails to complement your central interests. Motive is everything. One potential partner may be further along in a specific context, such as makes more money, is more experienced or intelligent, yet an aggregate emotional sum will tell you your preference for one individual over another—their worth to you. One doesn’t choose a mate on a scale of value between dueling suitors; but relative to oneself. This is highly personal, as only youknow where you are, where you’re going and how fast, establishing your hierarchy and preferences—intellectually, professionally, spiritually, emotionally, sexually, socially and recreationally. No one else knows what you have yet to learn or what you desire to experience and therefore, who you will mesh with best. No one else knows better psychologically, whether you are seeking growth and exhilaration, or just someone to hide behind; and usually what others propose is some form of this latter.
The truth about the significance of women to men and men to women, is that they worship each other; for proof, look at any effective advertising. Even if they can’t, they want to. It isn’t just sex; we worship all elegant human attributes when displayed most vividly, which hold a parallel virtue for both sexes. From self-projected ideal to actualization, people reveal their depth and self-worth by what kind of partner they submit to. It is here where one’s true standards are uncovered. The Self-made looks for a match, no matter how long or hard the search. He works to complete the ideal social picture of his life, so that he’ll have no need left unfulfilled. As his own comprehension and depth of all the facets of a relationship grows, his fulfillment grows. He continues to seek relationship knowledge throughout his life just as he seeks to advance his central purpose and intensifies their quality with what he learns. He develops many critical relationship areas to a point where his value is obvious to all. He recognizes that value and looks forward to a lifetime of rewarding someone deserving, who has spent their time developing themselves in the same anticipation.
Beyond cognitive honesty, all facets of being human hold potential for compatibility. The more elements that match, the more harmonious the union. Whether one is in possession of a particular trait or simply reveres and intends to acquire a tailored form, there is compatibility by implication. It’s particularly valuable that we have a serious interest in each other’s passions—work included. This gives the clearest understanding of the priorities of a mate’s consciousness. Essential compatibility is to say, “I respect how you go about living.” We must be honest in our evaluation of them for good or bad, and this process is lifelong. Sound relationships don’t begin as projects, blind faith, or rescue missions; they begin with fundamental compatibility. We begin with a certain view of an entity. Upon witnessing a new trait, desirable or otherwise, we continually build and adjust our description of it. We don’t grab hold of a human and try coercing them into compliance with the image we had originally, or what we project is possible for them, any more than we would do so studying an animal. We observe, catalog and draw conclusions from the true sum, not from isolated factors and not from hopes.
Among the many facets of an individual to be discovered, developed, and carried forward into relationships, it is our sense of life that we musthave in common for it to last. We must know there is benevolence in the core of our hearts, which stems from how we feel about living itself. What we are looking for and what everyone needs psychologically, is a confirmation of our view of existence. We need a reflection of that tailored life we’ve created, in the person to whom we are devoted. It is the fuel of our spirits. Our passions will change over the years; but what never changes, is our devotion to making it all worthwhile.
Until reached, the ideal of his future mate’s potentiality is always in his foreground. No day to day events are more important than maintaining a romantic sense of life. His projection is that of worship—of her and the wholesome traits she has worked for. His wish is to exist with this brilliant being; to become a dream team, completing each other. When he looks in her eyes—it isn’t primarily her faith in him or his confidence in her loyalty that he values, but simply what she is. He fantasizes, not to have kids, but to have her kids, not to be married, but to be married to her, not to Jones, but to enjoy the risk of passion. To attain the adrenaline rush of saying “My wife,” and feeling the deepest pride.
Our final choice should be saved for someone special—ourselves. Getting married, we can imagine an overwhelming elation vibrating all through us about what we have decided to do, reflecting on how devoted we are to each other. Projecting into our later years, we hold each other to say, “Didn’t we do well?” We look in each other’s eyes, feeling this incredible bond we spent a lifetime developing, and these children, who are a product of our love, respect and dedication to each other and our relationship—our creation. Our children in turn would know there is something adult that we share beyond them—something they aren’t a part of, an intimacy they must grow to understand. It is the way we speak to each other, the way we look at each other and the way we touch. It is a pleasure to see them watch our peaceful, loving interaction in awe and romantic desire for what awaits them in their own futures.