“Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution.” —Mae West
Moving On.We owe it to ourselves to find the best person we can to spend our lives with, but what if there was someone even more perfect for us out there? Loyalty to a relationship should never be treason to our own highest happiness. It’s like driving an average car. It’s ok for a while, but then you find yourself saying, oohh, look at that one… and you realize it’s time to move on. Sometimes we outpace others as we grow in knowledge and experience, and our self-image follows; so should its reflection. Moving to higher values should never be the exception, but the rule itself. Still, with his kind of independence, a new relationship isn’t required to prompt him to leave.
Often, relationships end in dysfunction for behavioral reasons, which are the result of epistemological reasons—the thinking and patterning of those involved. Therefore, they can end for soundreasons and in a rational way. A Self-made Man doesn’t want to destroy his spouse or get even, if it is time for her to leave. She doesn’t want his energy. They are both looking ahead. As their central power is within them, they can afford to show each other the highest civil respect, by leaving each other intact. It would be nice to hear someone at the end of a relationship say, “I know your life is yours. I’m thankful for the time we’ve had, but if you feel there is something more for you out there, you owe it to yourself to discover it. We only live once; we have to make the most of it.” Whether they are making a mistake or not, whether their choice is prompted by intelligent expansion or by a blind, dissatisfied inertia is irrelevant. They own their lives, and remain free to see the world from where they are, and must learn all they can from that vantage point.
Often when we take on a relationship, we put ourselves on hold and get nothing done; a stress we bring with us. We are taughtthat we have to “give everything” in order to prove our love, which is the process of erosion. We pour all of our emotional and financial resources into the union, just to watch them walk off with it, or snub it without looking back. We suffer one ruined investment after another, until we shun cultural expectations and learn to keep something for ourselves. With reflection, we notice a steady return from our own interests, but from people, it’s hit or miss. We do so well on our own with development so peaceful and straight forward, that we have to wonder if the single life isn’t the better choice; but it’s hard to be alone, and the last thing we need is another dysfunctional relationship. Why isn’t the rational efficiency of our actions translating? At some point we have to question the contradiction, and find a solution.
Time alone is time for reflection on what went wrong, and how to assure success the next time. Self-made Man wants to be in love for real. He wants to knowhis mate is devoted to him and why. He must be wanted for the right reasons, reasons he respects. He has to know that he has traits that are valuable and worthy of love regardless; so that even when it doesn’t work out, he can move on to love again. He wants to be respected for what he can do; to see his honor acknowledged and rewarded, not to see it cause him loss or unjust penalties. Above all this, he wants to remain whole. By isolating and mastering every nuance of difficulty he encounters, eventually his power to have a good relationship grows to astonishing levels; emitting a maturity that becomes very valuable to others. For an active mind, time alone is just as priceless as time with a spouse. Why? Epistemologically speaking, alone, it’s the trunkthat grows. Like saving for a car, the longer you save, the nicer the car you can buy.
Alone, he will miss having someone to dance with. It will hurt to leave valuable talents and abilities idle. He survives by drawing love from the trees, from the wind and from all of existence—his first love. He loves the motion of his body, the sun on his neck, the wind in his hair and how free he is to do anything. Imagine the facial expression of someone who has met the love of their life, and is contemplating all of the wonder of their years ahead. Self-made Man feels that way about his first relationship (Man’s relation to existence). He knows it will be an extension, to feel it with his second (Man’s relation to another). But half the equation is sound, and he can live his life romantically at this stage. He loves the life he has designed, and all the activities that bring him pleasure. There are many forms of love, so he keeps love in his life by practicing the others. When he is alone, it is his purposethat saves him. As a human being, his self must be the center of his concern. His primary focus is to construct an efficiently running entity in himself, whose maintenance continues throughout any relationship. He has reversed dogmatic sacrifice in moral self-defense—the key to the solution. When he is properly in tune to his own projects, it is difficult to give time to others, forcing them to match the quality of his endeavor. It allows him to interface and court with no appeals, and no demands. At his busiest, he doesn’t even mind not having a mate; it’s irrelevant. One could last forever alone, with this style of living. There is no sense of compromise in his existence. He loves being alive, and it’s that much clearer that his next mate must be someone who values and operates at his level, someone who understands and pursues this pleasure as well, and won’t try to take it from him. When he meets her, life just gets better.
Warrior Note:One’s own living sum must advance uninterrupted, regardless of relationship status.
To lose invigoration for life is to lose the game, so he stays on course and achieves without her. He never again parts himself out by the incompetent code of sacrifice. It would be nice to turn his head and be able to look into another’s eyes, acknowledging the pleasure they are experiencing together, but no one is there. He feels a stab of regret; yet if he accepted just anyone, that would mean he could not conceiveof values, and there would be no accomplishments to admire and enjoy anyway. If he chose to compromise again as in the past, it would have the same result—the loss of self-respect, youthful vitality, and future promise.
The lone contemplation of ideals is much more satisfying than their violation and betrayal. Rather than endure a spouse who aggravates them, such phenomenal possibilities can exist untarnished, within him. There is a part of the brain that knows no difference between fantasy and reality—a proven biochemical stimulant—and his projection of ideals, however unreached, is a proper substitute. He doesn’t knock himself for not finding the right partner to enjoy every step of his progression with. He knows how rare his own soul is, and is willing to wait. When it gets to be too much, he accepts the pain. He never fakes reality. He doesn’t run, but looks right at it. He knows what he’s feeling and why. He knows his emotional medium is looking for a payment which he has earned, but cannot satisfy alone. His torture is a tribute to what it should be, and one day will be.