Romantic Extensions of Art.I’ve heard criticism against the use of animals as the subjects of art, with the argument that art uplifts Man and should exemplify Man alone—and I don’t agree. Why are wild animals so often used as symbols? The strong, proud stature of an eagle, the power and agility of a tiger, the alertness of an owl, and their total confidence show us beings who act on purpose and without the concept of doubt—a moral dilemma provoked by religion and altruism’s undercutting of Man. What emerges for our contemplation is an entity acting consonant with its own nature. We extract the virtues we can practice in human terms, just as we do from superheroes. Art was created by Man forMan of course, but its subjects can cover all of existence and beyond, to the limit of what a man can dream and project.
Along this line, sometimes we run across products that dramatize the deep thought and care that was put into them—products that have the grace of art and preform exquisitely—so well designed, they bring a sense of glamour to their use, accenting our view of Man in the process. I consider them extensions of art, falling into a few main categories from least to most significant: 1) Products of all kinds, from disc players to hammers to furniture and appliances. 2) Automobiles and other forms of transit. 3) The architecture of dwellings, factories, parks and all other human environments. 4) The structure of a human being and human action—its physical style and style of thought, its health, beauty, elegance, tact, class and poise. 5) The structure of human institutions—their profitability, their timely pursuit of endeavors and their accomplishment, the interwoven psyche of top-down conveyance, motivation and coordinated action, and their stability and long range effects.
Man himself and his utilitarian creations cannot be classified under the strictest definition of art, as they do not serve the primary of contemplation. But they approach art, being as beautiful in form as they are in function, and personally, I get the most satisfaction from active participation involving the objects and entities I prize. I’ve always sought the most artistic surroundings as the medium for myself to become worthy of; be they cars, places, companions, or ideas. While photography is not classified as a primary art either, I find most of my visual inspiration through it; in periodicals covering exotic cars and locations, glamorous people and events. Though I grant romantic significance to sculpture and indulge the rare opportunity to enjoy it, I’d take People or Playboy Magazine over a museum pass any day (looking at mummies doesn’t make my heart race). Perhaps this is just youth talking, but in my view, the most beautiful and successful people standing still or in motion are the attributes exemplified in sculpture anyway. In theater, I prefer the wholesomeness and intellectual depth of old movies. Notice the poise of actors and actresses in the sixties; the flowing poses lost in modern productions. Look at the musicals where half an actor’s value was in motion and song, not just in memorizing lines or hostility. I miss the days when every perceivable facet of an actor’s being was honed into art; when it was truly a profession. We looked up to our heroes in a much deeper sense then, as there was so much more to grasp and value in their conduct. It was a projection of the human ideal. Imagine what a man’s bearing tells you of his character when he stands straight, looks alert, speaks clearly and moves decisively. The use of Man’s body expresses his sense of life. The use of his mind reveals his worth. As an actor or an observer, his response to romanticism is a window to his soul.
We need a romantic release to renew and refocus, as we travel our own roads of self-actualization. Such excruciating effort is draining, and to have a chance to feel the state of arrival at one’s ideal is all the motivation we need to stay the course. Literature is the most important, as nothing beats an explicit explanation of romantic premises, though I find music the most accessible: exaltation in four minutes or less! Literature requires a much greater investment in time. Notice we can’t sit around in a state of euphoria for long however; nature requires that we top off our tanks and get back on the road. Those fully conscious of the virtue in their own progressive intent remain aware of this artistic link at all times, allowing romanticism to accent their every endeavor. It can be experienced any time one stays cognizant of one’s actions; being aware of choices and of making the rightchoices, seeing their cause and effect together, at the greatest range one cares to define. Though art by definition is put in the box of “selective re-creation of reality,” allactualizedhuman ideals have artistic value and emit the emotions of glamour, which those who work towards them, deserve to feel.
Many people exist in a constant state of intellectual and romantic starvation. I have found very few vents—very few works of art that could give me the release I needed. Deeply moving, meaningful pieces are rare, but they do exist in every medium, such as film, music, painting, sculpture and literature. There are enough to hold onto, and once you identify that ideals are contextual, you begin to see them and feel them, everywhere. At the most significant level, listening to Beethoven or James Horner’s Legends of the Fall, reading Ayn Rand’s works or studying Greek sculpture or paintings by Monet or Vermeer, are among the only times I feel compensated for my effort. Other means stair step down in importance, though are still very positive, such as watching a deeply romantic movie, driving and studying an exotic car, enjoying a desirable companion, helping those bright and eager to learn, looking at the city, the mountains, the ocean or just moving through the world, breathing fresh, clean air. All feed a romantic sense of life.
Art and Development.A romantic sense of life is first felt as a response to existence. It can then be felt with others, but as it is built on the achievement of independence, it can never be felt before. As our premises change, our tastes adapt to match the emotional content thrown off at any given time. As romantic art is a showcase for human virtue, its themes are universal. All men can identify the basic emotion conjured by a musical piece or a scene, but they vary widely in their estimation of its value. We respond most strongly to art that reflects the current depth of integration within us. As our depth of consciousness includes more than art, we pick the elements that suit us, and leave behind those that don’t. When a work of art reflects our premises without contradiction, we will wish to add it to our medium of life. As we grow, we come to value elements previously not understood, and move past an equal number of others. Art is an evolving confirmation, continuously rewarding a man for expanding the power of his consciousness.
The structure of music can be defined mathematically, as can sight. Both operate via electric impulses, but this is only a physiological parallel. One needn’t become a math wiz to enjoy music. What is considered pleasurable by a rational consciousness must exist within a certain auditory range. Music has the power to effect the emotions directly, as it rearranges the process of cognition to begin with the reward. It moves from sensate perception to emotional response, to appraisal, to understanding. Emotionsare mathematical as well—the moving sum of the process of cognition—a living, resonant answer to one’s experiences. Sound is a natural result of the motion of entities, emanating a state of harmony or tragedy to be picked up by those having the proper organ. In the nature of sound itself—of amplitude and frequency in the propagation of a sine wave—artists recreate the flow of life. Danger vibrates within a certain range of frequency, while its amplitude determines the scale of the danger. Tranquility has its own range as well.
Life experience implicitly indicates the harmonic resonance of every human emotion to Man. For example, a child can listen to a symphony and get nothing from it, as he has yet to develop the depth necessary to experience the emotions and concepts it intends to express. As he encounters them in life, he will come to recognize and appreciate them in music.
The Artist and the Observer.A romantic artist shares the reward of his own mental state, revealing his deepest images of our stature and our environment. What he has chosen to present in colors, in landscape, in words, in musical harmony or in form is what he has trained his senses to focus on—what he finds most significant. To the extent that an artist is rational, his work will reflect living values. His choice of subjects is guided by his acceptance of existential reality. His style will reflect his own cognitive power; his skill reveals the effort and devotion he brings to his values. The highest art properly integrates subject matter, technical skill and meaning, idealizing the useof Man’s perceptual and cognitive tools in the work’s every detail. As an artist and a man, he has the capacity to generate, to create new depth and new ways of positively affecting the senses and of impacting the intellectual and emotional pool of his audience. At its best, romantic art helps Man to recognize what matters most, leading him to find deeper meaning in the range of his vision. By integrating the most prized attributes of a work’s subject, the artist displays the order, structure and meaning behind moral awareness. The deepest and most moving pieces require the most pleasant concentration to enjoy, and it is proper that they be the most gratifying. Art is the most potent medium for exposing the essence of an artist’s character, as well as that of the observer.
A man’s sense of life determines his response to art—his view of himself in relation to what he accepts as possible to Man. All human beings take romanticism seriously. Their reaction to it, positive, negative or neutral, simply reveals the consonance or contrast of their accepted premises. From a consonant standpoint, listening to a symphony he might think, “This is how happiness or sadness (some particular emotion or cognitive action) feels to me.” Observing a sculpture, he might think, “This is my image of what a man should be and can be.” Watching a romantic movie he might think “This is how I want to feel about someone, and how I want them to feel about me.” Reading literature he might think, “This describes me,” or, “This represents my views.” When art is disconnected from the real world or our current possibilities, he might respond with, “If I had superhuman traits, this is how I would use them,” or, “If such a diabolical evil existed, this is how valiant men would fight it.” In acceptance, his ultimate response is, “This is a reflection of life as I see it. In worship of life, this expresses my tribute.”
Imagine observing the milky smoothness of a shapely woman’s statue, then to feel the startling contrast of touch to discover it’s marble. Imagine the tautness in the statue of a Herculean figure and itstexture, which comes as no surprise. The highest art always projects the strongest man, the most stunning independence, the most beautiful physical form and poise, the purest confidence, and the most concentrated purpose—attributes that serve the challenge of life, which we admire and wish to acquire. The next time you walk through a gallery, by holding the moral standards of life and comprehension as your frame of reference, the art—good or bad—will make much more sense. Devoted to human life, I care for only one style, which is the subject of this chapter. The Self-made pattern of cognition isthe means to create romantic art, as well as the means to achieve its projections in real life.
“He was an artist, and what he was, he was only through music.” —Immortal Beloved
Everyone’s life should feel like a sculpted work of art, and self-destiny is the name of the game. Those who seek exaltation by living means, will wish to experience and express it through every physical sense and their guiding power: the deepest, clearest, most tenaciously earned understandings and resultant emotions. Man needs to bring the deepest meaning of his life as well as his most profound and passionate expression towards it, into his immediate perceptual awareness. Since his struggle in the pursuit of values is lifelong, he needs regular spans of time where he can experience a sense of completion—the reward of his values having been achieved. Romantic art satisfies this desire. It shares the feeling of his goal’s actualization, and the experience serves as fuel to carry him further. The intention of romantic art is to uphold Man’s highest, to show him the reward for his climb—for his sparkling rationality, bravery and determination in the quest of life—meaning natural, organic life. Romanticism is a field of pure rewards for a life of challenge—the challenges of Self-made Man.
Imagine flipping through a magazine in a waiting room, and coming across a picture that you can’t take your eyes off. You may not know why, but you are drawn back to it again and again, until you have to cut it out and take it with you. That is the response provoked by the best of art; it extracts a deep personal meaning; a fascination with the emotions and attraction it conjures. Romanticism is a sanctuary for the best within us—where the results of our excruciating effort are loved, encouraged and fostered. It reflects the gratificationin living effort. The realm of romanticism is the projection of rational, reachable human ideals, stylizing every facet of Man and existence, every kind of thought, every shade of emotion, every shape of detail and the grace in action of all living things—whose subject matter is inexhaustible.
Every art form isolates a limited number of physical senses, eliciting cognitive stimulation and appreciation for the depth and range of each. Painting enhances vision, music enhances hearing, yet all streamline and stylize cognition. They are a treat for every sense they affect—a wonderful reward and guide for their correct use, making sensate perception a pleasure, honing in on the very joy of living. The most significant works of art convey the purest, cleanest motivations and share with us their deference for Man.
Self-made Man in essence, doesn’t often understand enemies, or how to have them. He doesn’t understand disrespect; he doesn’t understand the justification for negativity between rational beings—or what he supposes them to be. The nature of his own consciousness does not prepare him for the irrational. With his life’s focus on generating and directing his own energy, their plotting hatred, jealousy and parasitism is inconceivable; a complete waste of resources. He knows there is something very wrong with those who spend energy in this way. He sees their open or veiled abusiveness—a glaring sneer or a malicious cowardice, poorly hidden under undisciplined expressions—and still can’t quite believe it. The source seems abominable—so total a lack of self-esteem, that others become the roving temporary center of their attention, not to experience elation or hero worship, but for the exact opposite; to vent theirgreatest passion—the desire to hurt. Self-made Man doesn’t often understand the attack, or the motivation. The Fear-driven seem offended by his very existence; a malady outside his power to solve. Its only solution seems for him to stop being; a demand he would never approach others with.
His enemy in any context is his antithesis—the Spirit Murder. I recall being disliked and feared, because I could always see much more than such people wanted me to. Implicitly I knew we were enemies, through something I was willing to see and something they refused to see. It was our pattern of consciousness that was incompatible; it made us mortal enemies. The Fear-driven cannot handle life’s problems, so they cause others tension and loss, excommunication and violence. Conversation is refused: a point by point discussion would reveal their immoralities, so they avoid it or any other reasonable discipline, at all costs. Self-made Man can do nothing with the irrational; he can make no progress and find no happiness, so contextual isolation is the only solution. By habit, he isolates all forms of irritation and expands all forms of fulfillment; his cognitive pattern brought to social issues. His proper action in response to evil is to grant it no energy. He counters deception by stalling its pattern, denying the rewards expected by its use. He steps aside and lets their own poison consume them.
Typically, he dispenses with the issue of like and dislike, as he doesn’t care what such others think, if they think at all. His self-esteem is not subject to their opinion. He pays attention to his own desired inertias, especially when stifled by association with another. Ultimately, he does not preserve relationships with those who subject him to any form of insincerity. He conforms to no subversion and remains on the level instead; naming what must not be named. Watching them scurry is his payment for the burden of its endurance. He demandsthe natural freedom that all human beings require in order to function, just as he grants and fosters it in others. He demandscivility and the fostering of virtue, or removes himself from their path of destruction at once. When he is cornered with no chance of escape, he fights for his life—in premise as well as body—whether it takes place in a courtroom, or on the street. Death premises never get away with an uncontested acceptance.
As he approaches none with violence, he permits no such violation. Cognitive independence puts Self-made Man beyond the living need of parasitism, or any premise that leads to it. The disagreement of another is accepted, and respect for positions of authority over their realms of control goes without question. As long as his rights are not violated, no override is ever attempted. His response to those violating proper boundaries is self-defense, period—of himself and others—physically and spiritually. He views violence as a life-threatening insult, its initiation of which is never to be tolerated. When in danger, he counters force with the force necessary to stop it. Only those choosing force and its variants as a means of their physical and spiritual sustenance are the damned, neverthose who defend their right to life when it is threatened.
Fantasies.Imagine if you were to encounter some luminous being whose presence engulfs you in the warmth of his power—someone brilliant and mysterious, who answers an emotional need you had no way of expecting someone else to understand, awakening that special place where you hide your most secret passionate fantasies. What if he suddenly walked in and said exactly what you needed to hear, stirring you to feel so overwhelming a desire, that the only way to satisfy it is to just drop everything and leave with him, right now? We’ve all dreamt of such a romantic encounter. Who wouldn’t enjoy being swept away like that? But for the most part, fantasies exist hidden within us, tailored to our desire. As we grow, they advance in depth and complexity, becoming richer and more fulfilling in a positive exercise of our full imaginative capacity. Like being on a beach, we get used to the shallow water before venturing deeper, and the deeper we go, the more exciting it is—the more pride we have in showing our willingness to face and overcome our fears. We struggle in the torrent and dive deep into the peace beneath it—a feat only possible by challenging all that has come before. In our return, we ride the surf as its master, then rise to enjoy the warmth of the sun and the ocean swirling at our feet, recovering the serene calm of certainty. From the beginning to the end, our adventure of life is positive. We carry forward the knowledge that we’ve been to the brink and back, in many ways. We’ve lived the fantasy.
The advice of most the world is that “If we love each other enough, we won’t stray,” yet few achieve it without painful longing, especially in youth. Such is the longing for a greater knowledge and exploration of people—even of oneself. I can hear the rest of this mantra; “Worship one god and never invest in another. Serve one State and never honor another. Love one person and never experience another. Seek a dictator in every realm. Limit, deny and renounce yourself. Follow our rules. Suffer our fate.” I can’t settle yet. I’d rather take my chances and be honest. This is a struggle that through irrational guilt, pressures many people into premature commitments. It impedes collecting the knowledge and experience necessary in their pursuit to identify and find a true soul mate, someone who will reflect their deepest expression of vitality for a lifetime. Repression is a tax and by implication, without mutual freedom the relationship would become a tax. Ultimately, I hold a monogamous relationship as an ideal. I dream to have so pure and passionate a love for someone, that they consumeall thoughts of intimacy. But I know we may not cross paths at the same level of interest or development. As painful as it is, I would weigh her value to me, and if she needs to learn more or I do, I would accept it. With the few times in life that a romantic fantasy is realized, personally I would grant it to her as I would my own rather than lose her over it, see her miss out, or have her hide it and carry the burden of an unnecessary guilt. Given the nature of her value to me, I know her fantasies would be wholesome, as are mine—to experience an exalted facet or discover an answer—about existence, about herself, or about her capacity for an intoxicating interrelation. She can live these rare fantasies and enjoy me as the heart of her medium as I enjoy her, and leave this Earth fulfilled; not limited by me or anyone else. If we stay together, the net result is that she becomes more important to me as she becomes more complete, as I do for her. We’ve confirmed our relationship. We’ve missed nothing intellectually or experientially—we are certain about each other—and can grow old together, in peace and harmony. From valuable experiences, our individual sum grows. If we seek values constructively, the fullness of our satisfaction shows in our future response to life and to others.
People don’t have to be everything you’ve dreamt of in order to have a relationship, and you don’t have to settle down, even when they are. The possibility of spending one evening with an extraordinary person is better than never living one’s dream. When you come across critical opportunities in life, you must seize them and live your passion with no regrets. The fire of our passion does not just go out. It fuels us, or it destroys us. It must be managed; it must be fed.The pain of longing for a past experience is infinitely better than having to regret the suppression of desire. Live the fantasy. Die happy.
There is no point in questioning whether or not the slipper will fit, one day. Those lost feelings are meant as a rededication to what you are waiting for; given that you’ve identified exactly what you want. If you have, then the chances are very good. Such traits cannot be left to implications. If you are working to be the best you can be, then the right one and better experiences are still ahead of you; your love will not remain unrequited. Once found, if you continue to focus on the key elements which bring a relationship into existence, it can live forever—meaning indefinitely.
There is only so much time and so many people you can run across in your life, and so many more you will miss. The one you find may be right for you, but be certain that there are others. With 85 million singles in the United States alone—half the adult population—about thirty thousandpossibilities exist in every age group and major city. It is always possible that your heart can be taken by another, more passionately and more completely. What counts most is that the one you’re with brings positive feelings and experiences into your life, not pain, shame, distrust or anger. With a solid moral frame of reference, people can confirm for themselves what acceptable behavior is and what it isn’t. They can see what is sanctioned by life and what is damned. Just as we all draw in air to further our lives, most will gravitate to the wholesome, meaningful, civil path. In a morally aware, rational society, satisfying encounters will become that much easier to find.
Relationship Perspective.Given the current definition of a relationship’s successful end—meaning marriage—it’s true that most relationships don’t ultimately workout; but maybe we’re all looking at it wrong. Maybe they did workout. The concept of relationshipis a branch of step two—identification—which in this context can be defined as the interaction of individuals for a specific intent. The Self-made intent is spiritual fulfillment, as the Spirit Murdering intent is predation. As with other concepts, we have to work with the concept, collecting knowledge for its application through experience, and then move on for better relationships down the road. Relationships are the mediumthrough which we seek such fulfillment, not the goal in itself. Fulfillment is the goal, and like self-esteem, is tied to every interaction; another variablein life. Fulfillment indeed, is the socialequivalent of self-esteem. We should not seek to fix or solidify our associations with others. We evolve and others evolve in so many ways and directions over the course of a lifetime, how can we notexpect variation? How can we assume that our mutual development will flow together, and why should it? As in science and technology, we cannot and should not, commit to an outcome beyond our own vision. Like it or not, relationships will remain in flux, but with moral clarity, it will add—not to our fear, but to our exhilaration within them.
A perfect lifelong relationship with a soul mate may be ideal, yet most of us are in and out of relationships, hoping to find the right match. Out of those who do marry, how many actually found a soul mate? How many just settled for whoever was available and willing? There is so much to learn in life, I can’t fathom giving away the right to pursue knowledge, even if that possibility is presented through the person of another. Most live within a state of repression, and I don’t want to be one of them, which brings us to my ultimate relationship rule:
Warrior Note:Don’t plan for eternity until you can see that far.
Time is precious; there is no forever in the context of human life. The one you will be with longest is yourself, and your happiness is the proper focus of your thinking. Relationships are pockets of time, isolated from the world as a private celebration of life. They allend eventually, through breakup or death. The essential is to bring to them and extract, an equal amount of joy. A relationship isn’t successful because it lasts a long time, it’s successful because of the feelings it generates and sustains, and the growth and fulfillment it imparts to those involved.
In the simplest language, we establish relationships to be good to each other, and must commit to this for its duration. I’ve learned as much from bad relationships as I have from good ones, though they are never to be tolerated for long. As long as I wasn’t killed, there was something positive to carry forward—new facets or new armor. There are plenty of wonderful people out there who aren’t complete, ourselves included. Compatibility doesn’t have to be mathematically perfect every time; you learn as you go, trying not to repeat a lesson already lived. Even if you’re ready to settle down but your mate isn’t, there’s no need to push it, and certainly no reason to end it. For example, imagine as thanks for some activity in which you were involved, a business offers you one of their Lamborghinis for a day. Would you decline because you couldn’t keep it for thirty years, or would you experience its magnificence to the fullest, and then cherish the memory? Cedar Pointe is great, but you can’t take it home with you. Just think if the wonderful opportunities you’ve had to love and to beloved, were taken away. I have cherished and will cherish, every encounter. They have shown me how wonderful people can be.
“Marriage is a great institution, but I’m not ready for an institution.” —Mae West
Moving On.We owe it to ourselves to find the best person we can to spend our lives with, but what if there was someone even more perfect for us out there? Loyalty to a relationship should never be treason to our own highest happiness. It’s like driving an average car. It’s ok for a while, but then you find yourself saying, oohh, look at that one… and you realize it’s time to move on. Sometimes we outpace others as we grow in knowledge and experience, and our self-image follows; so should its reflection. Moving to higher values should never be the exception, but the rule itself. Still, with his kind of independence, a new relationship isn’t required to prompt him to leave.
Often, relationships end in dysfunction for behavioral reasons, which are the result of epistemological reasons—the thinking and patterning of those involved. Therefore, they can end for soundreasons and in a rational way. A Self-made Man doesn’t want to destroy his spouse or get even, if it is time for her to leave. She doesn’t want his energy. They are both looking ahead. As their central power is within them, they can afford to show each other the highest civil respect, by leaving each other intact. It would be nice to hear someone at the end of a relationship say, “I know your life is yours. I’m thankful for the time we’ve had, but if you feel there is something more for you out there, you owe it to yourself to discover it. We only live once; we have to make the most of it.” Whether they are making a mistake or not, whether their choice is prompted by intelligent expansion or by a blind, dissatisfied inertia is irrelevant. They own their lives, and remain free to see the world from where they are, and must learn all they can from that vantage point.
Often when we take on a relationship, we put ourselves on hold and get nothing done; a stress we bring with us. We are taughtthat we have to “give everything” in order to prove our love, which is the process of erosion. We pour all of our emotional and financial resources into the union, just to watch them walk off with it, or snub it without looking back. We suffer one ruined investment after another, until we shun cultural expectations and learn to keep something for ourselves. With reflection, we notice a steady return from our own interests, but from people, it’s hit or miss. We do so well on our own with development so peaceful and straight forward, that we have to wonder if the single life isn’t the better choice; but it’s hard to be alone, and the last thing we need is another dysfunctional relationship. Why isn’t the rational efficiency of our actions translating? At some point we have to question the contradiction, and find a solution.
Time alone is time for reflection on what went wrong, and how to assure success the next time. Self-made Man wants to be in love for real. He wants to knowhis mate is devoted to him and why. He must be wanted for the right reasons, reasons he respects. He has to know that he has traits that are valuable and worthy of love regardless; so that even when it doesn’t work out, he can move on to love again. He wants to be respected for what he can do; to see his honor acknowledged and rewarded, not to see it cause him loss or unjust penalties. Above all this, he wants to remain whole. By isolating and mastering every nuance of difficulty he encounters, eventually his power to have a good relationship grows to astonishing levels; emitting a maturity that becomes very valuable to others. For an active mind, time alone is just as priceless as time with a spouse. Why? Epistemologically speaking, alone, it’s the trunkthat grows. Like saving for a car, the longer you save, the nicer the car you can buy.
Alone, he will miss having someone to dance with. It will hurt to leave valuable talents and abilities idle. He survives by drawing love from the trees, from the wind and from all of existence—his first love. He loves the motion of his body, the sun on his neck, the wind in his hair and how free he is to do anything. Imagine the facial expression of someone who has met the love of their life, and is contemplating all of the wonder of their years ahead. Self-made Man feels that way about his first relationship (Man’s relation to existence). He knows it will be an extension, to feel it with his second (Man’s relation to another). But half the equation is sound, and he can live his life romantically at this stage. He loves the life he has designed, and all the activities that bring him pleasure. There are many forms of love, so he keeps love in his life by practicing the others. When he is alone, it is his purposethat saves him. As a human being, his self must be the center of his concern. His primary focus is to construct an efficiently running entity in himself, whose maintenance continues throughout any relationship. He has reversed dogmatic sacrifice in moral self-defense—the key to the solution. When he is properly in tune to his own projects, it is difficult to give time to others, forcing them to match the quality of his endeavor. It allows him to interface and court with no appeals, and no demands. At his busiest, he doesn’t even mind not having a mate; it’s irrelevant. One could last forever alone, with this style of living. There is no sense of compromise in his existence. He loves being alive, and it’s that much clearer that his next mate must be someone who values and operates at his level, someone who understands and pursues this pleasure as well, and won’t try to take it from him. When he meets her, life just gets better.
Warrior Note:One’s own living sum must advance uninterrupted, regardless of relationship status.
To lose invigoration for life is to lose the game, so he stays on course and achieves without her. He never again parts himself out by the incompetent code of sacrifice. It would be nice to turn his head and be able to look into another’s eyes, acknowledging the pleasure they are experiencing together, but no one is there. He feels a stab of regret; yet if he accepted just anyone, that would mean he could not conceiveof values, and there would be no accomplishments to admire and enjoy anyway. If he chose to compromise again as in the past, it would have the same result—the loss of self-respect, youthful vitality, and future promise.
The lone contemplation of ideals is much more satisfying than their violation and betrayal. Rather than endure a spouse who aggravates them, such phenomenal possibilities can exist untarnished, within him. There is a part of the brain that knows no difference between fantasy and reality—a proven biochemical stimulant—and his projection of ideals, however unreached, is a proper substitute. He doesn’t knock himself for not finding the right partner to enjoy every step of his progression with. He knows how rare his own soul is, and is willing to wait. When it gets to be too much, he accepts the pain. He never fakes reality. He doesn’t run, but looks right at it. He knows what he’s feeling and why. He knows his emotional medium is looking for a payment which he has earned, but cannot satisfy alone. His torture is a tribute to what it should be, and one day will be.
Who should be together long-term? Those who in unison, generate the most positive energy. In a proper relationship, the two work together, plan together and grow together. They are compatible if their goals match, and if neither requires sacrifice from the other. All decisions affecting both are made together, but long range decisions yield to the mind with the longest range. Both maintain their own financial responsibility, which is simply cognitiveresponsibility. Each makes their own money, and each controls that same amount. They remain independent together. He might say, “I have only one chance at this life. If I’m not free to live the way I wish, my spirit would die. It’s the same for you. You have dreams and desires, as I do. We both have a full right to pursue them. Mine are on the table: my dedication to my work, private luxury, travel, kids at a specific phase of life or none at all, and a priceless intimacy. I hope yours are on the table as well. If you’re sincere, I’ll use my resources to benefit us both. If not, I’ll have to use them to protect myself.”
They have seen the trauma of unhappy coexistence, perhaps in their parent’s lives, and are committed not to repeat it. No more domestic disputes or renounced dreams. No more shattered homes and battered wives. Just honesty, fairness and sound life-direction based on their mutual integrity. Together, they run through their mutual lifestyle interests subject by subject, to assure both are satisfied in life. Now is notthe time for compromise. Each states “I’d prefer to allocate X time and X money to this endeavor, (be it kids, travel, housing, or business), in order to preserve my core passions and their growth. This is the hierarchy by which I intend to live.” With core passions covered, the balance is negotiable. Neither tries to appropriate a share of their spouse’s capital for their own stubborn interest; they want in life only what they can independently sustain. Neither should burden the other with gifts they could never afford alone. They must be disciplined to wait until they have accumulated the virtues necessary to maintain a desired lifestyle by their own merit. No partner is to be shielded from cause and effect to consider money inexhaustible; it isn’t. Money is human energy, as is love. To waste either, or to spend it without the object’s appraisal relative to the expense of effort (and whose), is a pattern of poverty. No endeavor is pursued until the timing is right for both and the money is sufficient, which sets their mutual value hierarchy. As they move forward in life, each addresses new plans and acquisitions questioning what is most urgent or personally valuable to have first, and seeks fulfillment in the proper order. If ever they part, each is entitled to the share their investment provided.
Pursuing their own independent purposes, the relationship can remain what it is in the beginning; filled with exhilarating emotions, the anticipation of joy and the freshness of continually happening upon something special. On separate tracks yet running parallel, there is always an aura of mystery about one another. The nature of this distance holds pleasant surprises and newness around every corner. They think independently, retaining the unique perspective each brings to life, neither being limited by the interests or abilities of the other. Self-governed, they remain free to stay or to go, in a checks and balances system that keeps both rational and fair, reversing the snowball cycle of repression, to the exact opposite result. They are both a source of additional positive energy for each other, never an energy drain; the basic intention and benefit of living in a civil society. With constant awareness of each other’s value, their continual progression vents endless romantic appeal; and as a result, they court each other, throughoutthe relationship.
Relationship Conduct.You know when you’re packing for a vacation, and you feel that almost unbearable sense of anticipation, where the adrenaline just streamsthrough every muscle? Feeling that exhilarating response, to me, I think is wonderful, and should be our emotional medium. What would it be like, if every day with someone became a stimulating pleasure, where fascinating things were always being uncovered, and exciting new discoveries come up, allowing you to maintain a sense of awe—for me, there is no better way to live.
As a woman, wouldn’t it be nice, to be with a man who treated you like a person for once, who didn’t act like a dog on a leash, tiptoeing around to please you, but someone strong enough to trust you, someone who can joke and play, and pin you down, when you deserve it? You know how the most significant relationships have always had the highest highs, and the lowest lows? It was this conflict, rooted in passion, that drove you to feel more than you ever thought possible, and pulled more out of you, than you knew you could give. The best are always a roller coaster, that volleys between a sense of total helplessness, and glowing, radiant safety; but always, a healthy flow of violent, clashing, compelling emotions, and if you look back to those times, you never felt more alive. With the knowledge and means of its creation, you can look straight into the future, and know what you are in for!
One point of clarity when he comes home is that someone is there who understands him. When she crosses his mind, any negative pressure from life is gone. Just thinking of her potentiality, an enormous weight lifts, and his faculty of sight, hearing and thought no longer bring pain. His senses can tolerate what they see, as the core and majority of his intimate emotional exposure is so overwhelmingly positive. He is not trapped in a thankless life, and she is his proof. Their sacred relationship is built and maintained on pure honesty—consonance with their feelings, open about their fears, supporting, stabilizing, and fostering each other for mutual fulfillment. Private time is priceless between them. Little is on his chest; he doesn’t need to talk about work. Work is like preparing a meal, a focused application of his tools. Self-appreciation is enjoying the meal and being nourished by it. Romantic relationships are the reward of life, the dessert. Seeing his mate should be the climax of his day. Along the food theme, he even appreciates seeing her eat; confident the energy it provides will be used morally.
Self-made individuals know they will never be “one” with another, and would never want to be. They know this poetic ideal is metaphysically impossible and are aware of its true intent, the exchange of independence for dependence. The entirety of their life is spent with only one person—themselves. They are thankful to have found someone who glides alongside so pleasantly. The pattern of life has them in constant appreciation of all forms of beauty; of anything and anyone who “has it right” in life. It is their ability to identify such values, which brought them together in the first place; a realm where they will readily connect with others as well. While a sound relationship is monogamous, they do not forsake interest in the value others may represent, or in discovering their own value to others. Flirting is legal; it can be an exhilarating learning experience. This does not mean that such an encounter leads to sex, nor does it sanction dishonesty. A Self-made couple is so focused on their endeavors, that no question of infidelity ever arises, or really matters. They’ve chosen each other to exist at the center of their world, and the deeper that world goes, the harder it is to uproot. We all like a sense of permanence uninterrupted, until we are ready to leave; but in a relationship, that choice and risk is in equal balance. The same values that he used to choose his mate, determines what he will find attractive in others, and there can be many. He in turn realizes there are other men out there that she will find attractive, and that he better remain competitive. Marriage is not a license for stagnation at any time.
Both take care not to get tangled up in the lives of those outside the relationship. In a sound relationship, man and woman are each other’s first social consideration. He doesn’t come to her looking for a relationship with her family and friends, and she doesn’t come after his buddies. Playfully encircling her waist, he says “To hell with everyone outside of us. We come first.” And hugging him she smiles, knowing how wonderful it is to be so mutually dedicated. With life being a puzzle, she fits just right in his arms; they chose each other for this reason. Together, they are a temporary reprieve from the rest of the world. It is their time to talk about their own goals and about shared experiences, independent of others. As their lives develop and unfold, this time helps them to stay on track, keeping their focus on what counts.He comes to her for reasons and standards of his own that she satisfies, and she recognizes that he is of equal importance to her happiness. He needs to know that he can touch her, hold her, stop her and just look deep into her eyes, anytime he needs to. No power struggle to gain an upper hand is necessary, and no one outside the relationship can come between them.
