“Erogenous zones are either everywhere or nowhere.” —Joseph Heller
Sex.It is said that men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. In my view, this is only true if their premises are wrong! Otherwise, it just keeps getting better. With deeper understanding, experiences are richer, fuller and far more satisfying. Sexual interest growswith the growth of one’s cognitive capacity, and such expansion is lifelong.
Have you ever noticed that with certain people, you just can’t seem to keep your mind on light topics; it always moves to more pressing things? You look at them, and you begin to dwell on more urgent needs. Your mind tends to wander toward other things you could be doing, and the thoughts may become overwhelming, but if you could just put that aside for awhile, and let it stir, the desire becomes absolutely explosive, and when you finally get what you’ve dreamt of, it is more satisfying than anything you could have imagined. Somehow, it’s an experience that makes all life worthwhile.
Out of every five hundred people you see, one is a millionaire, and even more rare is that once in a lifetime love interest, who could bring into your life, all of the passion, fun and adventure you’ve ever wanted, affecting you so strongly, you can’t help but respond. When you feel your heart beating in your chest and notice you’re breathing heavily, it’s a wonderful sign that it’s right. Your body always seems to know first. A lustful reaction to someone can be much more than physical, depending on one’s depth and their distance from one’s dream. Lust can be based on seeing someone’s wholesome useof sensuality. Tapping into the value behind the lust is the key. Our chemistry is strongest with those on similar wavelengths, and with the risk of honesty, such resonance can be deafening. There is a wealth of information in body language; the behavior of a girl with a crush, the glances reserved for lovers, the exhilaration of encountering someone worthy of fantasy, the motions and expressions she would make if you were touching her in the most intimate places. As a woman arches and curves her back, a man flares and is dominant, in a rocking, blinding, intolerable ecstasy nothing else on Earth can match. These are natural, gender-specific responses to sexual exaltation, properly guiltless, pure and beautiful in their grace.
A touch is a sanction of one’s being, so Self-made Man isn’t casual about it. He doesn’t go around hugging everyone; it is too personal and too important to be misused. He reserves it for when he feels a sense of incredible connection. Thinking of emotion as a liquid, we have deep emotional pools within us. With those we truly care about, we can relax enough to let down our barriers, and allow our emotional pools to blend, surrounding each other in a glowing warmth, expressing our capacity for truly devoted love and friendship. When he sees his mate, it’s as if there’s an aura between them, and the warmth of that connection glows, as the rest of the world fades into oblivion. It sends a pleasant vibration all through them, which is a physical sensation, driven by their comfort with one another. It is so much, just to sit close to her and feel that wonderful sense of acceptance, which turns into a great warmth, and the desire to be even closer, which becomes a pulling, pressing need to have every part of him as close to every part of her as possible. He thinks of her naked body in his arms, her lips on his, his heart beating so hard he can almost hear it, the smell of her hair, the anticipation felt by every inch of his skin, longing to be caressed, and she responds. The desire to give themselves to each other is the act of saying “Yes” in their souls—“Yes, this is what I give myself to, totally. Take control of us, of me, this is worthy of my total release; this is exaltation.”
Why is sex so powerful? It is the most potent experience of when joy is inflicted, just as a symphony isolates and inflicts the sense of hearing. Whether fast and aggressive or slow and torturous, it’s all good. Sex is the desire to impart to someone the glory of your passion for living—of how euphoric and speechless you feel about this gift of life. No matter what happens in life, nothing matters as much as the desire to positively affect by touch, that which you sanction, and every reciprocation is a gift for your skin to react to. The most intimate causes your stomach to drop as your body moves to face it openly, willingly, in full submission and acceptance of the highest emotions life has to offer.
These zones are nature’s way of leading Man and animal along the correct path. Our skin responds to a loving touch, just as a plant or a flower responds to the sun. Our spirits need fuel as frequently as our bodies need it. Sex is an essential means to acquire that fuel, being a celebration of life, our reward. Sex is the greatest opportunity to reaffirm our highest view of ourselves and of our mate, to sanction and bolster all we respect and wish to see furthered; to let them know we believe in them, that we need them, and that we stand behind their deepest fulfillment in all things. There is a vibration about all living entities, and lovers share a wavelength at the most important level. The resonating power of our mate’s body is one of our greatest healing tools.
The effect a Self-made Man has on a woman is wild. It’s as if being with him is a subconscious command to her body to bloom fully, and she does. Her reaction to him affects her metabolism, and her body begins to change. Her body knows, “this is it,” and begins to prepare; filling out just the way she always wanted, accentuating the hourglass that nature had in store for her. She gets flushed, and carries a radiant glow wherever she goes. With him, she captures the essence of the woman she has always wanted to be. It is how he looks at the world, and how he interacts with her, that makes her feel mature, independent, in control of life, sensually in love with herself and the world—confident in a way that is permanent. It is no different for him when she is Self-made in her own right. He learns what a woman truly needs, and she encourages his growth towards her image of Man and her own ecstasy; bringing them both to a pinnacle of self-esteem and mutual satisfaction; a pinnacle that can and should become a glorious plateau.
In my own life I want to give that special girl the same thrill I get, when I run my hands all over her beautiful shape; so I maintain a beautiful shape for her. I have seen that look in a woman’s eyes; the wonder, and the pleasure of the opportunity she feels she is being exposed to. And then I go on to be satisfying to every other sense she has. I want her heart racing when she thinks of me; I want her short of breath, of how full my lips feel on hers, of how safe and overwhelmed she feels, with my arms around her, particularly where the muscles touch her, the liquid tension, and the magic sensation of the pressure, of my fingertips, exploring every intimate part of her body, each one, independent, alive, with an unpredictable, thrilling plan of its own, outside of her control. A touch is a sanction of one’s being, and I wish to share that, every time. Our openness brings us both to think and feel that a touch anywhere—a shoulder, a hand, is an intimate connection, and that conjures a feeling of inner warmth, that leads into a much deeper need, to be satisfied. Enjoying such intimate sensitivity makes it very difficult to get through the day sometimes, if anyone happens to touch one of us at work.
For the Anticipation-driven, touching his lips to any part of her is a treasured span of time, lived only for that action. It is an act of worship. It is a sanction of what she is, through his desire, and a sanction of what he is, through hers. That is the kind of feeling to preserve for a lifetime. They want each other’s happiness, to just be, and love, and live with passion, and come together, for that emotional release that only they can give each other. True lovers are very comfortable with each other—they pal around, joke, touch, easily inspire romantic moments and are borderless. It is a perfectly comfortable, mutual form of prideful ownership. Knowing they have the future; they don’t have to rush. Dedicated to values, each is committed to always be what they are, to maintain what attracted them in the first place. They want to thrill and be thrilled, so there isn’t a gut to overlook or any irrationality to tolerate; nothing to kill the passion, and there never will be.
Attraction and Initiation. Love at first sight has often been the target of refutation; mainly by those who cannot attract it. Is it possible? You bet it is! Love at first sight is linked to the concept of “form follows premise,” and stems most clearly from the puppy-love of our first crushes in youth. First loves are our first rudimentary social connections to personal value. It grows well beyond that with time, but one can see crucial values in another—traits worthy of love—just by looking at them.
Beyond love at first sight, preparation is necessary for romantic encounters. First in the hierarchy of attraction is to please another’s perceptions. Everyone appreciates someone who is clean, fresh, together and vibrant; the elements of beauty, most of which can be acquired. The first essential element of romantic beauty is sparkling, fiery eyes, conveying all that is possible in the anticipation of living. Second is excellent posture, being alert and aware with a backbone and no rolled shoulders. This conveys that one is joyously ready for exciting action. Third is respecting one’s health and cleanliness, having low to no fat, being toned if not sculpted, and well groomed. Fourth, that one’s overall facial structure and expression is driven by premise, with strong, hard, clear features. We smile with our eyes too, which should be steady, revealing joy, self-esteem and intelligence. Fifth is one’s style and sensuality—our way,the mildly suggestive enjoyment of relaxed physical motion and frank interest. The sixth and final element is natural beauty—which can be maintained, but otherwise lies outside the virtue of the entity. All, even the sixth, can be changed, improved, and honed into art. As one develops towards a working model of excellence, inessentials which don’t appear to reflect an ideal, get dismissed in the overwhelming positivism of other traits.
There is a very small percentage of people hopeless in the quest to spark romantic fantasy in the eyes of another. The majority have a virtual well of untapped sensual ability lying dormant underneath a layer of fearful evasion, unwillingness, or simple unawareness, through a lack of exposure to the possibilities.
Warrior Note:If you ask the elderly what they regret most in their lives, it’s never what they did, it’s what they didn’t do, what they held themselves back from doing. What if approaching her could alter both your destinies? Don’t miss out.
Traits desired must reflect traits acquired, so he must gain a conscious understanding of the level of suitor his aura will attract. With the Self-made traits of character, commitment to growth, emotional openness, mature responsibility, honesty, dependability, high self-esteem, positive sense of life and the resulting capacity for love, his options are good. If he expects more, then he has to becomemore. As one-half of the encounter, he must be comfortable approaching people he doesn’t know. Engaging with confidence and without pretense is the key. Decent people are never rude to a sincere approach, but if he is nervous and uncomfortable, he can expect others to be uncomfortable with him. A key to removing the fear is to be complete withouther. If his core purpose is established and his life is deeply satisfying, approaching will be much easier. Regardless, he doesn’t expect to win until he has it mastered, and he keeps trying until he has. He works on what he wants to convey until women respond well. Just as he brings his mind into focus to perform in life, he practices pure perceptivity in initial attraction, consciously controlling his fear until his patterning has devoured it, where he can remain bright and alert, open and friendly. He engages as an adventure, using the adrenaline as stimulation to heightenhis perception, not to limit it. Eventually he enjoysthe thrill and risk of fully open senses. He is still dominant and sovereign, but not intimidating and not intimidated, ready to acknowledge her value alongside his own. He is a sexual being without regret or apology, and in the presence of a desirable woman, that interest always exists somewhere in his glance. He is the foundation, in control of himself and in control of them both, at her will. Once he has it mastered, he can relax and observe her half; what she brings to the table.
He does not limit himself as to whereto find her. Often it’s claimed that work is notthe place to find a mate, but nothing could be further from the truth. Here is a place where both have a core mutual interest, much less superficial than the content of most dates and social gathering places. No activity could prove more affirming and consonant than how we carry out the business of life. If we can be professional about it, then management can too. At best, pursuing one’s purpose is the most powerful realm to meet one’s soul mate—there is no deeper, more dynamic a parallel to be made between individuals.
During courtship, he doesn’t put extravagant effort or cost into activities he never intends to do as an established couple. He does normal things, at reasonable expense. He doesn’t change his lifestyle to gain the relationship; it must fit within his scale and desired direction. He takes her to enjoy experiences along his own lines of interest to learn whether she can handle and appreciate them, as they share hers. Both contribute in turn, neither being shielded from the financial realities we all must acknowledge and respect.
Selection.Self-made Man can only overvalue the right partner by putting her beforehis living purpose. The proper hierarchy for a human value system is 1) Purpose, 2) Intimacy, and 3) Everything and everyone else. This is the moral course for a sound volitional consciousness, and there are no exceptions. Dedication to his own life is his first romantic connection, with existence itself. Once he has chosen his life’s work, he is ready to choose someone who reflects its dimension. When he is in full agreement with his own direction, he has achieved a harmonic resonance with destiny, and there is no negative stress related to his purpose. When he encounters a match, the same is true. Romantic love is never a compromise. It is a flowing energy added to his own, accenting his happiness. Besides his purpose, nothing is more important than making the right choice. His relationship choice is a core accomplishment when done right in every way. It is there to lean on and to learn from, to reflect on the correct process of winningin life.
Just as in deciding one’s own destiny, there is a big learning curve moving from temporary mates to permanent mates, which parallels moving from experimental action, to permanent patterns of action. Both are much longer roads without proper moral direction. Self-made Man doesn’t even attempt a serious relationship before he has the basics of his life under clear control. He is financially stable and can handle the rudiments of life—he knows how to feed himself, how to dress himself and how to bathe. His appearance is neat and clean, as is his mind. His living space reflects how carefully he operates within his environment, evolving as respect and cognizance of other people and their possessions as well. As he addresses the challenge of growth and handles his own daily obligations, he interacts rationally and keeps his obligations to others.
Choosing a mate in any phase of life is incredibly dynamic. It is tailored to every individual as a sum covering a dozen general categories, and a few dozen minor ones. It becomes more difficult when family or friends try to play matchmaker based on some shallow cultural attribute which satisfies their perspective, but detracts from or fails to complement your central interests. Motive is everything. One potential partner may be further along in a specific context, such as makes more money, is more experienced or intelligent, yet an aggregate emotional sum will tell you your preference for one individual over another—their worth to you. One doesn’t choose a mate on a scale of value between dueling suitors; but relative to oneself. This is highly personal, as only youknow where you are, where you’re going and how fast, establishing your hierarchy and preferences—intellectually, professionally, spiritually, emotionally, sexually, socially and recreationally. No one else knows what you have yet to learn or what you desire to experience and therefore, who you will mesh with best. No one else knows better psychologically, whether you are seeking growth and exhilaration, or just someone to hide behind; and usually what others propose is some form of this latter.
The truth about the significance of women to men and men to women, is that they worship each other; for proof, look at any effective advertising. Even if they can’t, they want to. It isn’t just sex; we worship all elegant human attributes when displayed most vividly, which hold a parallel virtue for both sexes. From self-projected ideal to actualization, people reveal their depth and self-worth by what kind of partner they submit to. It is here where one’s true standards are uncovered. The Self-made looks for a match, no matter how long or hard the search. He works to complete the ideal social picture of his life, so that he’ll have no need left unfulfilled. As his own comprehension and depth of all the facets of a relationship grows, his fulfillment grows. He continues to seek relationship knowledge throughout his life just as he seeks to advance his central purpose and intensifies their quality with what he learns. He develops many critical relationship areas to a point where his value is obvious to all. He recognizes that value and looks forward to a lifetime of rewarding someone deserving, who has spent their time developing themselves in the same anticipation.
Beyond cognitive honesty, all facets of being human hold potential for compatibility. The more elements that match, the more harmonious the union. Whether one is in possession of a particular trait or simply reveres and intends to acquire a tailored form, there is compatibility by implication. It’s particularly valuable that we have a serious interest in each other’s passions—work included. This gives the clearest understanding of the priorities of a mate’s consciousness. Essential compatibility is to say, “I respect how you go about living.” We must be honest in our evaluation of them for good or bad, and this process is lifelong. Sound relationships don’t begin as projects, blind faith, or rescue missions; they begin with fundamental compatibility. We begin with a certain view of an entity. Upon witnessing a new trait, desirable or otherwise, we continually build and adjust our description of it. We don’t grab hold of a human and try coercing them into compliance with the image we had originally, or what we project is possible for them, any more than we would do so studying an animal. We observe, catalog and draw conclusions from the true sum, not from isolated factors and not from hopes.
Among the many facets of an individual to be discovered, developed, and carried forward into relationships, it is our sense of life that we musthave in common for it to last. We must know there is benevolence in the core of our hearts, which stems from how we feel about living itself. What we are looking for and what everyone needs psychologically, is a confirmation of our view of existence. We need a reflection of that tailored life we’ve created, in the person to whom we are devoted. It is the fuel of our spirits. Our passions will change over the years; but what never changes, is our devotion to making it all worthwhile.
Until reached, the ideal of his future mate’s potentiality is always in his foreground. No day to day events are more important than maintaining a romantic sense of life. His projection is that of worship—of her and the wholesome traits she has worked for. His wish is to exist with this brilliant being; to become a dream team, completing each other. When he looks in her eyes—it isn’t primarily her faith in him or his confidence in her loyalty that he values, but simply what she is. He fantasizes, not to have kids, but to have her kids, not to be married, but to be married to her, not to Jones, but to enjoy the risk of passion. To attain the adrenaline rush of saying “My wife,” and feeling the deepest pride.
Our final choice should be saved for someone special—ourselves. Getting married, we can imagine an overwhelming elation vibrating all through us about what we have decided to do, reflecting on how devoted we are to each other. Projecting into our later years, we hold each other to say, “Didn’t we do well?” We look in each other’s eyes, feeling this incredible bond we spent a lifetime developing, and these children, who are a product of our love, respect and dedication to each other and our relationship—our creation. Our children in turn would know there is something adult that we share beyond them—something they aren’t a part of, an intimacy they must grow to understand. It is the way we speak to each other, the way we look at each other and the way we touch. It is a pleasure to see them watch our peaceful, loving interaction in awe and romantic desire for what awaits them in their own futures.
“If this is foreplay, I’m a dead man.”—Cacoon
What we all long for, is to share our lives with someone we will miss all day long. Look at your past loves—what you loved was their life-furthering power, in all its forms, and this is no surprise. There is a clear link between intimacy and sound cognition. You breathe in and take in the scent of her hair. You look down her gorgeous profile, and think in pleasure, “Mine, all mine.” You contemplate all that she is; not just this toned, beautiful body, but the wonder behind the smile, the active mind, full of deep personal interests, breathtaking to watch in their pursuit, capturing the special connection when she looks up at you in sheer enjoyment, as you look at her when hard at work. And when the day is done, we rest, speaking softly in candlelit serenity, holding hands and brushing close in passing embraces, winding down as our sensual energy stirs. We begin to lose coherency of the days events, seeing the one before us—so strong, so capable. We are drawn more and more to look, to smell, to touch—to fill our senses with the presence of this other. So often called “Being taken away,” is to be so overwhelmed in our sensate capacity, “To be taken in everyway” is more like it, to the greatest release of our true feelings and hopes about existence, our possibilities and our lives. Do you see a structure forming? This whole process follows 1) Perception, 2) Identification, 3) Creative Action and 4) Reward.
Love is a reward, whose provocation we learn in our relationship to existence. When a relationship follows the healthy lifestyle of a Self-made Man, love will emanate to others effortlessly. Many individual attributes flow straight into relationships, becoming key compatibility factors. Our own pace, our own courage, defines the range of mates who will be acceptable. When we like what we see, we know its value, we work well together and the result is fulfilling, we are ready to move closer. With interaction so positive at every step, both can commit to its continuance, forming a relationship.
The most difficult question in relationships is commitment: whento commit, whoto commit to, and whatto commit to. The more complex the consciousness, the more areas of compatibility it considers; so the more difficult the decision. Self-made Man can’t have a lot of relationships, because he can’t be indifferent to them. People take time, and if he doesn’t invest in them, the effort won’t be fulfilling. He can sample many, just touching the surface of each other, or he can delve deeply into a few and learn more intimately who he is. His long-term intention is to build an edifice; not a lot of sand hills, so he doesn’t choose a social life of perpetual strangers. But there are valuable traits at all depths across the spectrum of individuals, and he can never be certain when or where he will encounter those who pique his interest. His outlook on relationships evolves as a result of their investigation, so he shouldn’t commit too soon.
Our intimate interaction follows a pattern we will repeat continuously throughout life. It has many elements, each having their own art, which evolves with experience and reflection. First, we go through an internal process of selection, based on our own ambition for values. Second, we must approach and initiateconversation with those we find attractive, by making ourselves attractive to them. This is a numbers game; only so many will be receptive. Once we begin dating, we set precedents that determine how the rest of the relationship will go; so we stay real about who we are, where we’re going, and what we want. Our essential compatibility is revealed here, stirring our anticipation for what is to come. Third, the relationship becomes sexual, sharing a facet of life withheld from the rest—the magnificent exploration of each other, and the deepest pleasure that can be had between us. Fourth, we span the day-to-day conductof the relationship for however long it lasts; the medium of feeling generated between us as a result of how we treat each other and how we handle issues. Finally, the relationship is consummated by either moving on or committing. The process has its own expertise, and the reduction in initial and long-term stress alone makes it well worth learning.
Deep Encouragement.Our value to them is that we can see farther than they can. We can give them hints about what lies around the next corner, or explore the result of any road they consider choosing. Future knowledge is all theoretical for them, so we won’t spoil it. We should do all we can to sell them on their most fulfilling destiny. We need not involve specifics, but only the tools they use—their honesty and the projection of their dream lifestyle. We can’t force advice, but we can tell them what we see. We can tell them they are lost if we have good reasons, and provide clear paths to answers they haven’t discovered the questions to. Accomplished men in my past, through greater experience, have offered knowledge that has saved me significant time and stress. Pointers from the perspective of wealth are invaluable, and often the advice they give is tailored in response to one’s particular challenge. It’s alright to offer hard, frank advice; powerful people don’t like to waste time either, especially their own.
Rational mentors don’t reinforce false esteem, but reinstill the patterns that lead to true esteem. We trace and never let go of true cause and effect. We take them to the mountain tops as a lure for their effort; we offer implications and options, not groundless second guessing. We offer memorable quotes of support from wise men to keep them searching, to keep them thinking and to keep them striving. Paraphrasing Warren Buffet, we offer the projection that they can do anything, but never a sanction where they feel they can do nothing.
There is something even more powerful than a transitional generation such as ours; the generation reared under it. They will be a group more absent of fear, more clear and excited about their futures, than any witnessed by the world since the Industrial Revolution, and I can’t wait to see what they’ll do. It’s an astounding feat to overcome the moral confusion and fears that we’ve had, and go on to achieve wealth and happiness in our lives. It is another thing entirely to be raised as they will, never having these fears to begin with. The example we have set for them as self-responsible producers is our pride, and we do deserve to feel it. But there is much more we can do. This again, comes with perfect timing, as we are in the most active phase of our lives, and must begin planning the transition of our enjoyment more and more, into the intellectual. It involves blossoming in a worldly, moral-intellectual manner, reaching the full maturity mankind was meant to achieve by his design, and I think you, the top one percent, are ready for the challenge.
The challenge is to correct the structure of human institutional action, which lies within the young adult’s realm of presumption through college years, but remains outside their grasp. We must see all human beings have a clean, safe, rational environment to thrive in, to see the young encounter beauty in the blossoming of their senses, and not to experience a constant recoil. It is in our power to see them grow into glamorous adults, exemplifying tact, class, elegance, pride, strength, productivity, bounty, fulfillment, honor, respect for themselves and respect for us. We must have them fully prepared for this world as it is, with a clear plan to continuously improve it. We must prepare them to demand fair treatment for all, never permitting themselves or anyone else to be ridden. It’s time to shrug off the Christian weight of manufacturing slaves and martyrs. It’s time to rid the world of the remnants of monarchy from mankind’s savage and unfair past. Let the restructuring of unsound institutions be our greatest gift to the generations to come. We must rally around the best of the human race and the best within ourselves, to preserve the chance for all to live the dream.
Setting a Sound Example.Throughout childhood, I looked forward to find heroes to pattern my life after. After eighteen, I saw no one around me worth emulating. I was what I wanted to be, and to follow the course of someone older would have required me to surrender one or more of my cherished values. I could not understand why it was necessary, and I could not imagine life improving because of it. So I quit looking for heroes, until one found me.
Often, teenagers think they have the whole world figured out, and the quality of their television gives them a good reason to think it. They’ve learned that sex and boldness conquers all, and at the sub-levels of cognition, it works. But after a few years of bar-hopping, manipulating others and being manipulated, they realize how empty it all is without the depth of intimacy and intelligence. It’s as pointless as using foul language to be cool; so they look past the beer and cigarette ads to complete the picture of what life and love is supposed to be, and of what human beings really are. The true complexity of life is staggering, and most often, they reach that conclusion totally unprepared. Often, Mom and Dad were tacky, boring, controlling and unhelpful, and they don’t want to end up like that. What is their alternative?
They don’t need the luck of being born into wealth or rationality, and the Self-made need not consider reproduction a duty; Spirit Murderers will always produce more than enough mouths to feed in order to justify their passivity. The Self-made need only to live the most fulfilling life possible in the sight of the world. Enough young people will use them as a role model—a being that just exudes health from every angle—not the bent work-horse that raised them.
The teens of any generation are at a divine turning point, when their wings grow strong, yet they have not mastered flight; and if we love them, all we have to do is let them know we trust them. Set them free to train their own cognitive functions, and set a sound example. Load them with personal responsibility to train their disciplines. We can treat them like people, because they are. We can give them the respect of a young mind—a new chance at greatness, not a source of irritation to be restrained. We don’t have to force, cajole or threaten to get our point across. We govern by the Self-made quote which deals directly with life and is unafraid to expose truths: “See for yourself.”
We experiment in our lives, just as we teach them to. We show our progress and its pattern. We show its reward. We face what must be faced. We admit wrongs. We reveal uncertainties. We deal with difficult situations and show the path to solutions. We show how important individual happiness is, through our own self-dedication. We walk our talk. Most of all, we stay real. Self-made Man gives them something to appreciate, even when they reach his age and look back, remaining wholesome, open and aware, with the honesty that only true strength can practice.
Throwing Open the Gates to Their Future.Careers are so embedded in men, that as most knowledge is passed down within the framework of their field, that field is often chosen by his children. But essential, axiomaticknowledge is used in any field, and this is what must be passed down.Imagine if a lawyer chose his profession from deep personal interest, then saw his son choose law because he knew of nothing else. To his son, it’s just a job. The father may encounter a junior counselor with the same passion he feels—the desire to make a difference—and feel a kinship he desires to feel with his own son. He couldfeel that kinship, if he steered his son towards the discovery of his ownpassions, instead of following in his footsteps. Passion—living fulfillment—should be the parallel in their lives to share, where career is only a medium.
Self-made Man knows what his children will go through; he’s lived it himself. He knows of peer pressure, ridicule, bullies, cliques and from kindergarten, how early we can become endeared to others. As a parent, he doesn’t deny that sex is a part of life, especially in teenage years. He doesn’t ignore or try to limit their sexual interest, from playmates to crushes to dating. He never makes attraction out to be evil, sinful or wrong. By conveying sound values, he desires only to see their choices be wholesome and happy. With the complexity of a responsible, fulfilling life already instilled, he will see them making sound family planning decisions instead of the nightmare of mindless, unprepared teen childbirth. He faces life with them again, as open as his children are ready to be. He can see the phases of life before they come, and meets the challenge with a wise, tolerant bearing.
Most parents long for an open relationship with their kids; they claim to desire friendship, but they don’t foster it. It seems they forgot what friends are. How do we deal with friends? Do we tell them what to do? Do we pretend puberty, relationships and peer issues aren’t happening? Do we limit our friends, dictating who they can see, what they can do and what they can wear? Do we rifle through their belongings, invade their privacy and accost them, assuming the worst? If we take these actions, then we won’t be close and they won’t tell us anything. We won’t be friends, and they won’t even be friendly. At best, they’ll tolerate us until they can escape. How we treat our kids is most likely how they’ll treat their kids. Most battled this same oppression, only to nod off and have it destroy the peace a generation later. If you want to skip the belligerent and disagreeable phase, then wake up and stay real, Mom and Dad!
This is a good conversation to have at the age of about fourteen or fifteen: “Soon it will be time for you to take full control of your life. You must be prepared to do that, and that takes practice. I want you to begin to take as much responsibility over yourself as you can handle, right now. I’m here to help and answer any questions you wish to ask. I encourage you to ask others you respect, who live the kind of life you want to lead. I know that I cannot be your protector, softening the consequences of your lessons in life. So I’ll do the only moral thing I can do, and get out of the way. I expect a payoff for the investment I’ve made in you. I expect you to be happy. I expect you to work with the passion and determination to make your life worthwhile, and to make your dreams come true. I believe in you, and I trust you will make sound decisions, not for my sake, but for yours.
Your coming of age preparation begins this weekend (maybe after a birthday). You are getting your own cell phone. You are getting your own credit card. We will work out a savings plan, so when the time comes, you’ll have a down payment for the kind of car you want.” Then you can go on to help them with job and career selection, help decide whether college is necessary, and help them map it all out. Self-made Man knows there is never only one chance to succeed. Kids can be wrong—the art is in recombining, experimenting and never giving up in the pursuit of whatever they wish life to be.
Fostering Pure Cognitive Freedom.Self-made Man teaches those up and coming to be independent. Among his desires is to see them fulfill their own highest possibilities, running the chain as they should,with no interest in owning or controlling them. He teaches them to think on their own, to validate what they’ve learned from other men—validate everything—through their own experience and reflection. Students must make all knowledge they intend to exercise, their own.
He advances another mind by simply answering the questions it asks of itself, or by showing the cognitive means of obtaining the answer. The latter helps to clear the way when pathways are hampered, showing the young how to use their tools to answer life’s questions independently. He identifies the implications that surround a complex query, displaying the breadth that is possible to attain over time, and the knowledge is absorbed when they are ready for it. This is easy to determine, as theyinitiate at certain depths. They ask the questions.
The honest want their children to remain free from the parasites of any generation, who will try to hang from them. If children are shielded from anything, it should be religion, and any other sacrificial dogma inverting or perverting proper cognition; a moral crime. No knowledge exists outside the capacity of Man, and the farther those at the real limit go, the closer it is for everyone else.
Self made Man doesn’t ask permission to become and to learn. He honors no caste system and no conqueror. He knows the hierarchy of Man adjusts with his every step forward, a viewpoint he passes on. He helps hone their tools, but doesn’t choose their endeavors—leaving the greatest range of possibilities for their moral use open to them. He never dictates; they have room to move and confirm elements for themselves. They are free to run the chain, free to make mistakes and free to take their lives in any direction they wish.
Handing Down the Map to Utopia.The young can’t see to the depth we can. They start by mastering step one, their perceptive tools, and move on to identification, grasping the rudimentary cause and effect relationship of existence. They have very modest epistemological chains, while ours are long and brimming with experience. We emit a confidence that often, we aren’t aware of having, though they are. They look up to us, even when we have no conscious reason to expect them to. They figure there is a reason for our every action and trait, and they emulate them as a platform. The nature of our use of perceptive tools, our paceof thought, our depth of reasoning, our interactions with others, are all an example for what is appropriate in life. The majority of what they learn from us is wordless. It is the very pattern of comprehension we pass on to them—our brave, open, controlled response to every step, which in the inertia of its challenges, passes on our psychology as well.
POSITIVE, NEGATIVE, AND RATIONAL REINFORCEMENT
In the first years before a child understands the implications of danger that are found in the word “No,” pleasure and pain are the only means of communication. There is no reasoning with a two-year old. Once bad behavior can be stemmed with cognitive penalties such as no dessert, belting them is no longer appropriate. Unless they initiate rude, violent behavior, no physical reprimand is sensible. The second sociallesson we have the responsibility to convey to our children, is not to try solving problems by force. The first social lesson of course, is never to drop their mind.
You can’t sell a kid on life-furthering issues with threats of death as the alternative, no more than you can sell him caution with the joy of safety. All living things grow towards values and are repelled by evils, whose clear division is seen only with the correct standard of value. Look both ways before crossing the street because you could get hit—not because of the life you would then miss. The first loss or the first gain is the primary focal point, where the balance of the argument are just the details. Harmful action gets a penalty, positive action gets a reward. Spanking and being grounded is the child’s parallel to a few weeks in jail for an adult, to be used as sparingly as he is bad. He is to learn that any injustice on his part will be met with swift recompense—given that the standard of justice is rational. Life isfair when sound action gets rewarded, while no action or failed action does not.
We hear the promise of their futures in the line, “I can do it myself.” True pride is the joy of witnessing one’s own ability to satisfy a requirement of life. We can learn from others, sometimes intense, fabulous things, but as we were perceptive enough to pick up what was important, the glory is ours as well. The Self-made say “When the student is ready, the teacher will appear,” and the teacher can be a person, a documentary, a book, or just the act of observing the natural flow of life. Schooling can come from anywhere, but it must be integrated within an individual’s own mind, an action outside a parent’s power. Under balanced circumstances, a child gone right or wrong is not the parent’s full responsibility; the road to choose is theirs.
As the child’s capacity becomes abstract, we have to sell them on ideas. Enticement is management of an entity by what it loves. It is welcoming what the teacher intends, submitting to a trusted power—a safe acceptance of domination by an apt, charismatic guide. Coercion is management of an entity by what it fears; shields go up, and the entity stays on the defensive, acting only at times of maximum safety, volunteering nothing, offering the least risk possible. Coercion intends not to engage the rational faculty of another for consent, and therefore can make only temporary gains. Outside of emergencies, it is not a tool of the Self-made. Rational enticement is his ultimate form of civil influence, and is the foundation of most American advertising in concept. Explaining and giving reasons shows respect for the process of cognition. It tells them that they are people too, worthy of consideration, and provides the depth necessary to make responsible decisions. The sooner we begin treating them like adults, the sooner they will act like them. Still, we can only do so much; the one in true control is the life being trained. Kids have to buy in at every step.
Our contribution is to bring them our most valuable traits, and to see them fully armed for the world to come. There is natural resistance to life, which we struggle against to stay even and surpass, to gain the results we seek—that of life and fulfillment. Perseverancedescribes the steady actions we take toward the goals of our lives. We must prepare them to endure whatever is necessary to bring about the fulfillment they desire. We synthesize the elements of each attribute for training: our capacity to judge endeavors and overcome great odds, to outlast powerful storms and great spans of time to reach our deepest goals, to exercise the height of independent awareness, to defend sound living principles, to move physically and intellectually with healthy, fluid grace, to stand on the shoulders of our achievements and shoot even higher.
A life of success, wealth and happiness is very complicated, and within the capacity to handle that complexity, lies the paternal pride of the able. It is not for everyone, yet it is the only road to true, sound, unquestionable satisfaction on this earth. The ability to succeed in the face of life’s adversities and foster the next generations to do the same, are among the highest gifts one human being can offer another.
The Right Timing.Long before he attempts to raise another, Self-made Man knows he must master the entity he is. If he intends to be of any use to others, he must see to it that his standards reflect life’s requirements to a “T.” He spends his life answering questions, confident that he can deal with whatever he will encounter, and such life mastery is what he intends to hand down.
His wish to have children in ancient times, was after the war was won. When unsettling circumstances were evident, they did not intend to bring children into chaos. Its modern responsible equivalent is to have children after stability is achieved. His passionate career has taken off and no longer requires eighteen-hour days, and his romantic relationship is exactly what he wants. Kids fit into a grand scheme, along a couple’s value hierarchy and life timeline. The endeavor is financially viable without interrupting his spiritual and material necessities, or those of his spouse. With respect for others, he plans it never to be a burden on those outside his primary relationship—so that seeing grandchildren, nieces and nephews will be a pleasure, not a duty.
He has mastered himself and his relationships and can convey healthy versions of both properly. His method for development reflects his own, instilling independence at the highest, proudest level possible—the cleanest rationality; the most straight-forward moral action, teaching them to run the cognitive process without fear and to interact socially without cognitive interruption. He teaches them to use their tools to meet their basic needs, to masterthese tools, so they can handle anything life throws at them along their tailored course. Learning to provide the proper frames for their greatest possibilities takes time, and he waits until the time is right.
